Elendil’s star

And it feels like I have been asleep for what seems like centuries, and only awake now. In a dream, marooned in the ocean of time. In my head, it feels like a song is stuck. Yet, I cannot make out the words or the tune. Just the presence of it, haunting me, yet there is a serenity to it, and they exist side by side. This is what it feels like to be born, to open your eyes and behold, the world in all its glory. Yet to those innocent eyes, it’s nothing but a blinding flash of unforgiving harshness that pierces each retina mercilessly, not caring if it paints an image of happiness or despair.

Is it all written out? That everything that has ever happened to you, or will happen to you is part of a plan, a little piece of a jigsaw, an insignificant part of a whole that is greater and more beautiful than you can ever imagine. That everything, the tiniest of details have been planned out long before the universe existed or souls dwelled the Netherrealm. Or is everything inherently chaos, and that is what we stem from and that is what we revel in. All just random acts of chance. Just a higher power playing dice.

And if all the things that are beautiful exist, like luminosity and warmth. And if the dark and the cold are just the absence of it, then why isn’t absence of love just hate, why is hate an entity on its own?

Is it the other way around? Is love simply something that happens when there is no more room for hate? If it is some sacred cord between two souls, then how come meaningless chemical imbalances in the vessel affect it?

These dark thoughts drown me, and I gasp for air. Desperately holding on, for a gulp of breath, for life, for my chance at happiness. It is then I realize I’m doing it all wrong. My misery is meant to stay, an ever unwelcome brooding resident. Happiness does not stay. It touches you and then moves on like winds, and that’s how love is. There is no happily ever after, just a happy now, and a happy in-between.

When love fails, comes hope. It’s what we live by. The seductress’s promise. That no matter how dark it gets, a persistent lone ray will always pierce it, as it is in the nature of light to pierce.

It is then I ask you, say something. Something that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Something that will be my light when all is covered in blight and despair. A phial of Galadriel, a remainder that there remains something beautiful when you’re not around. Words fail you, and they don’t matter. For words are meaningless sounds until we attach some semblance of meaning to them. It’s the sound of your voice, the um…s and hums that will be my guide when the shadow falls and all seems lost. A reminder of the love that touched my being and changed in ways unforeseen. My now of happiness and my in-between. For you are my Elendil’s Star.

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